By: Danny Pettry, M.Ed., M.S., LPC, CTRS-BH
Nicholson Baker once said:
“If you ask yourself ‘What’s the best thing that happened today?’ it actually forces a certain kind of cheerful retrospection that pulls up from the recent past things to write about that you wouldn’t otherwise think about. If you ask yourself ‘What happened today?’ it’s very likely that you’re going to remember the worst thing, because you’ve had to deal with it—you’ve had to rush somewhere or somebody said something mean to you—that’s what you’re going to remember. But if you ask what the best thing is, it’s going to be some particular slant of light, or some wonderful expression somebody had, or some particularly delicious salad.”
—Nicholson Baker
Looking for Something Good
During my 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. group sessions, I lead a daily gratitude and appreciation exercise.
I ask each patient to identify something good from the day or something they appreciate.
Sometimes a patient says, “Nothing.”
Sometimes they say, “I’m not in the mood today.”
I understand. Many of the people in my groups have experienced trauma. Some live with major depressive disorder, anxiety, serious mental illness, and recent stressors. They may be separated from their families, worried about what will happen next, or simply struggling to make it through the day.
Gratitude should never be used to dismiss someone’s pain or pretend everything is fine. It is possible to acknowledge that life is difficult while also noticing one small positive moment.
Both can be true.
Catch the Small Positive Moments
Sometimes I notice a patient smiling or laughing during the day. Later, when they say that nothing good happened, I gently remind them of that moment.
“You were smiling earlier when we played that game.”
“I noticed you laughing when someone told that story.”
“You seemed to enjoy that song.”
These observations can help a person recognize a positive moment they might have forgotten or dismissed.
The goal is not to prove them wrong. The goal is to help them notice that even a difficult day may contain one small moment of joy, comfort, connection, or relief.
Take Time to Smell the Roses
We have all heard the advice to stop and smell the roses. The message is simple: slow down long enough to notice what is good.
- Smell the roses.
- Sip the coffee.
- Listen to the song.
- Feel the sunshine.
- Enjoy the laughter.
- Notice the kindness.
The best part of the day does not have to be a major accomplishment or a life-changing event. It might be:
- A good cup of coffee
- A favorite meal
- A conversation with someone you care about
- A song that lifts your mood
- A moment of laughter
- A comfortable chair
- A few quiet minutes
- Someone treating you kindly
- Making it through another difficult day
Small joys still count.
A Simple Group Activity
Ask each person:
What was the best thing that happened to you today?
If someone struggles to answer, offer a few gentle prompts:
- Did anything make you smile or laugh?
- Was there anything you enjoyed eating or drinking?
- Did anyone say something kind to you?
- Did you hear a song you liked?
- Was there a moment when you felt safe or comfortable?
- What is one small thing that was not bad today?
A person may still choose not to answer. That is okay. The purpose is not to force gratitude. It is to offer an opportunity to notice something good that might otherwise be forgotten.
What We Notice Matters
When we ask, “What happened today?” our minds may immediately return to the hardest moment.
When we ask, “What was the best thing that happened today?” we begin searching for something different.
This practice does not erase trauma, depression, anxiety, loss, or stress. It helps us remember that pain was not necessarily the only thing present.
Even on a difficult day, there may be a warm cup of coffee, a kind word, a shared laugh, a beautiful sky, or one quiet moment of peace.
Take time to notice it.
Take time to appreciate it.
Take time to find the small joys.