By: Danny W. Pettry II, M.Ed., M.S., LPC, NCC, CTRS-BHS
No man is an island.
It’s an expression that a person can’t be fully independent.
People need other people to survive. Humans are social creatures.
We’re often required to ask people for things that we want to have, do, and be.
What are the odds of getting a YES?
The person who doesn’t ask has zero (0%) chances of getting something.
The person who asks someone for what they want increases their odds to 50%.
There is a 50% chance they will receive a YES to their request. Go for it and ask.
However, sometimes, we don’t get a yes the first time we ask.
Introducing: The 3n Formula.
The 3n formula consists of these three N words:
No, Negotiate, and Next.
- No. Sometimes we get a no. we must radically accept that it is what it is. We don’t have the power to change other people. Asking someone for something when they’ve already said no is harassing.
- Negotiate: There is a question you can immediately ask when someone gives you a “no.” You can ask, is there anything I can do to get a yes? Perhaps they’ll give you an outline of things you must do in order for them to give you a yes. If so, great. Do it and get what you want. However, if they answer, “no,” then you’ll need to ask Next?
- Next: There are a lot of people in this world. Jack Canfield teaches the SW-SW-SW-SW Success Principle. This consists of: Some will. Some won’t. So what? Someone’s waiting. If one person tell you no, then you can move on and ask the next person. It’s a numbers game Eventually, you’ll find someone who is willing to give you a YES.
Example # 1: Asking for a Date.
- Guy asks a girl to prom. She said, “no.”
- Guy negotiates, “is there anything I can do to get a yes?” She replies, “I’ll wait and see. If no one better asks me then I’ll go with you.”
- Guy can wait around for a yes or a no. Or he can go, “next,” and ask the next wonderful girl to prom.
Example # 2: Asking for a Job.
- Woman applies for a recreation therapist position in North Carolina. The facility’s manger tells her “no.”
- Woman negotiates and asks, “is there anything I can do to get a yes? Manger replies, the position requires a license to practice. You can reply when you have a license to practice recreational therapy in the state of North Carolina. She can continue her education and purse the education and internship training to meet the standards to sit for the state board exam.
- Next: She can always decide, this isn’t really that important to me. I’ll go on to another job that will give me a yes right now.
Example # 3: Asking for a day off.
- Woman asks her manger if she can have a three-day day weekend. Supervisor tells her “no, not this weekend.”
- Woman negotiates and asks, “is there anything I can to get a yes?” Supervisor might tell her to rotate some work days or take the next weekend. Or perhaps, she still receives a no
- Next: What do you think she could do?
Real life example
Jack Canfield reported being rejected by 144 publishers before one accepted to publish Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Practice Exercise Questions. Answer these
- What is something that you’re wanting to have, do, or experience?
- Who is the person who you could ask?
- Ask the question with confidence. Ask as if you’re going to get a yes.
- Negotiate: ask if there is anything you can do to get a yes.
- Next: if they tell you no, go to someone else who can give you a yes.
- You might have to go to NEXT several times before you get a yes. Who else can you ask?
Will you sign-up for self-study courses through Rec Therapy Today to earn CEUs needed to renew your state license and/ or national certification?YES – I’ll sign-up now. — View CEU Bundles
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